my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
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