Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
