I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
