she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize