3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
