..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
