i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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