Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
