the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
