Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
