I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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