I just gift wrapped bread.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My breasts were aching with rage.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize