I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
