yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
and you fell through a lawn chair
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
