I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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