Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
