apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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