But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
