She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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