Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
