"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it penis luge time yet?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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