I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
