if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I understand Curling. That high.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
