Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize