I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
