So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
