Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
