Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
