he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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