So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
