I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
