the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize