And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
