What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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