How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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