I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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