My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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