The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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