Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
