I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
