please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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