AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
