I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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