he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
false alarm, still single
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