Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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