I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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