Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
