I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize