And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
