epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
