She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
