Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
