Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
