I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize