they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
