I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
