Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
