they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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