Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
