I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
