He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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