I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I touched a dick in church today
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
