Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
