dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
