Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
