I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
