She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
