I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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