Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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