sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
