he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
