This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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